Flying Solo

I love flying alone. I don’t get the chance to very often, but when the rare opportunity presents itself, it is always a treat. For some reason, flying alone allows me to relax and reflect unlike any other activity I have found in life.

As I sit in an airport writing this, I can’t help but get slightly nostalgic. The last few years have held a handful of flights that not only took me from Point A to Point B geographically, but also brought me to a new place in life internally. Some of these flights were filled with excitement and happiness, like the one today, which is taking me to visit my best friend in Texas. Others, however, were full of tears, confusion and sadness. The one thing I love about flights: Even in the difficult ones, I always approach land with a sense of clarity.

Three flights in particular came at monumental moments in my life that left me questioning God. Incredibly, something divine happened in my time in the air that alleviated my doubts in a way I never expected. I hope you don’t mind me sharing.

Taking off…

1.     From Haiti-

The summer of 2010 was not at all what I thought it would be. What I had hoped would be a summer full of simple service and fun ended up being extremely difficult physically, emotionally and spiritually. In fact, it was the hardest two months of my life. Ironically, as the plane pulled away from the devastated and impoverished country, I was also sitting in First Class for the first time in my life. Relaxing with my feet kicked back under air conditioning and eating a freshly baked cookie wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as I would have expected. I felt nauseous as I flew over thousands of tarp-covered homes full of hungry people and orphaned children. I spent the first part of that flight asking God, “Why? Why does most of the world live this way? And why do we live as if they don’t?” 

2.     From Miami-

I had just gone to my biological father’s home for the first time in my life. I spent days meeting amazing people who shared the same flesh and blood as myself, but were strangers. I couldn’t be more confused about who I was.  As I pulled away from the beautiful city I found myself asking God “Why? “Why is this happening now? And how do I make this make sense in my life?”

 

3.     From Gulf Shores-

It was supposed to be my favorite week of softball season. I was playing my last tournament at the beach my senior year, but a call from home cut it short. It had happened. My grandma, my Nunny, died. Just like that, she was gone. My Nunny was more than a grandma. She was a friend. A second mother. My biggest cheerleader. She was diagnosed with cancer and gone within a month. As I the plane took off, I was furious. I asked God again, “Why? Why would you do this to me? Why would you take someone I love so much?”

On all three of those flights, something happened.

Amazingly, I didn’t land in any of those instances with the same questions I had as I took off.

As the plane would ascend higher and higher above the mess of life, God allowed my thoughts to ascend higher and higher as well.

I realized that at eye-level, things are confusing. Roads wind every which way with no end in sight. Trees, buildings, hills and mountains only allow us to see so far and seem to have no order to their placement.

What is amazing about an aerial view, however, is nothing seems out of place. Even above Haiti, the most devastated, dirty place I had ever been, it was beautiful.

Everything seems to make sense from above. 

Then I thought about how much higher God is than even I was in that plane. I thought about what God sees when He looks down. All the sudden, my “why”s began to fade. Did I understand why poverty and brokenness existed all the sudden? How to process this new family I had just discovered? Why God took away my Nunny?

No.

But I was reminded that I don’t have to.

Because God is sovereign.

 He is in control.

And He has a plan. 

 I can’t imagine how beautiful His view is. And I can’t wait for that view to become my own one-day. Right now, I’ll just keep navigating at eye-level and trusting in the One who sees it all. 

 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” –Isaiah 55:9