Faker

I used to make fun of my friend, Kristi, for her "raps" which are actually just poems. I guess raps make her feel less corny.

BUT, I can not make fun of the following I am about to share. The first half was written nearly a year ago, the second half she completed last night. I couldn't be more excited to see my best friend grow in her walk with Christ! I think we can learn a lot from her authenticity and desire to know God more. I know I sure have.

FAKER

Part 1

Her first name is Kristi, but you can call her Faker.

Because her life is filled with lies, which form the beautiful disguise by which you might mistake her. 

She loves getting to know you, in fact, she really knows you well,

Which is why it’s so easy for her to fit the mold, falling under that same spell…

Of seeking to be flawless in your eyes, so it becomes so hard to tell. 

She knows who you want her to be, but she doesn’t even know herself. 

Bound and chained by acceptance, reputation, she thinks she’s livin free,

Unaware that her pursuit of Christ is actually a pursuit of “me.”

The weight of this burden has risen, and it’s becoming too heavy to hold. 

But there’s fear of exposure, so the darkness remains, as the story goes untold. 

This Faker knows how to play the part, knows how to exude perfection,

Knows how to say the right words that display holiness, even when her heart is in the opposite direction.

But to avoid misconceptions…

I’ll paint a practical picture of this evil.

We can talk about her life of secret sin and obsession with the approval of people.

A negative response or unfriendly reaction equals a day of anxious thoughts, as she falsely believes that acceptance is a mark of spiritual health.

She’s different according to who she’s with, always sending a representative that reflects only the good parts of herself.  

Friends tell her “everybody struggles with people-pleasing,” as if the idolatry of mere flesh is somehow a justified exception. 

Let’s expose the truth of this sin: She just wants to be worshipped, for God’s glory to change direction. 

Now can you see how this issue might lead to a fear of confession?

Her overwhelming desire for the appearance of perfection

Translates into increasingly private dealings with sin.

She’d be embarrassed to admit that she’s deceitful on occasion, or that her convictions sometimes begin with, “Well, it depends on the situation.”

Progressive filthy thoughts...
but doesn't dismiss them like she should.
False motives in relationships...
but won't end them like she could.
Wondering why the path to destruction always looks so good.

Her desire for freedom from this secrecy is great, and she finds herself daily on her knees,

But her fear offers an easier escape, as the stronghold supersedes. 

Rest, freedom…these things seem but a distant dream

Happiness, peace…an idealistic movie scene.

Like she’s bought the jersey and sits the bench, but she never really made the team. 

Yet as her fingers write these words there’s still terror in her eyes.  Although her motive is to share with boldness, she’s scared this will lead to her demise.

Feeling compelled to speak, but not wanting to highlight her mess as any sort of big deal,

Just to confess that above all else, she just wants to be real.

To show that confession and broken-ness are where healing begins, a humble heart is more easily cleaned, so that the fullness of God’s grace is made evident, by this life that’s been redeemed. 

Though the journey will be long and hard, this Faker has started to understand,

That the path to a renewed life, though right now painful and unclear, is exactly what God has planned.

8 months later…

Part 2

I was this Faker, but today I am no more.  The grace of God has  changed me, to a life of freedom I’ve been restored. 

The road hasn’t been easy, but I’m starting to finally see, that pursuing Christ makes a lot more sense when the focus is off of me. 

As He’s softened my heart, and given me wisdom, I’m just now beginning to understand,

that my self-worth must come from what He says about who I am. 

My identity is not something I achieve, but something I received.  

Through a loving Father who decreed,

To give me new life through the bloodshed of His son, as He hung upon the cross,

Making possible my forsaking of a life of fakeness, as I count the approval of man as but a loss,

Compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ and being found completely in Him. 

Who sought me out to extend His mercy, while I was completely dead in sin. 

He is my treasure. He is my prize.  He is my forever delight. 

I can no longer cling to the temporary safety of man’s approval, but my faith must be my sight.

God has given me a hope that extends far beyond this life,

So I write this to encourage you, wherever you are tonight. 

It sounds so simple, but it’s true.  Christ can set you free. 

Regardless of your pain, your fears, your circumstance,

His power made the difference for me. 

He rescued me from the pursuit of myself, a life of ever-increasing selfish ambition.  

Where I sat upon the throne where God belonged, begging others to affirm my position. 

But the love of God is powerful…enough to break through even the strongest idol. 

Sin and death have been defeated, and I’m assured that victory is final. 

This truth now permeates my life, I am a new creation.  It is not I who live, but Jesus in me, and that drastically changes my situation. 

I now willingly admit my weakness, which keeps the spotlight on Christ. 

And I’ll forever live to declare praise to the Glorious Savior who gave me life!

 -Kristi Ensminger